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Friday Poll: Central Londoners
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AVARiCE



Joined: 23 Sep 2005
Posts: 5780
Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 8:20 pm    Post subject: Friday Poll: Central Londoners  

Today I had one of my "moments". This is a long story but you all know my stories are worth it. Some language, action and themes are adult here, all adding up to EPIC. Now to begin. In London it was freezing, it was sleeting (which is as cold as snow, wet as rain and slippery as ice, making it the shittest substance on Earth) and despite me going to bed early last night, I woke up feeling tired. A tired Av is a cranky Av. Can you image me being cranky on top of my usual demeanour?

I had no idea whether my sixth form was actually open so I was making my way in without actually being sure whether the journey was worth anything. I missed my first train and waited 5 minutes for the next one, which is an eternity when the cold has busted your MP3 player and you're forced to listen to Coheed and Cambria. When relief finally came, it was in the form of The Rasmus playing one of their faggy songs, I was actually amazed at how my mp3 player had managed to play at least four different songs in 5 minutes. When the real relief came, in the form of a nice warm train, it stank. Granted I'm only on it for one stop, but it really freakin' stank and when you've gotten on to a carriage full of annoying little high school children (especially the girls - how the bup can you crave bup from the age of 11????) you suddenly realise that catching AIDS is definitely a considerable option.

But ho-ho it gets worse. At this point I am very much like a cup of tea. The teabag's in and being left to stew. The problem is that when you leave the teabag in too long it becomes bitter.

I got off the train, shoved some little kid out of the way because they seemed to think that slipping on the icey slush crap was an excuse for head-butting my arm. I don't even care about my arm, it's the fact this little diddum's touched my epic coat. Then my moment came.

To keep you waiting a little longer, I'm going to set the scene. I'm in Bubble's "endz" now, and it's one of the most densely populated areas in London. It's also the sort of place that manners are laughed at, common sense is in no way common and English is a second language - to natively English people. The train station has about 15 steps or so, with a rail down the center. Each side of this rail fits two normal people alongside each other or three slightly skinny people, so there's no freakin' need for people to come across. At the top of the stairs are the tube turnstiles, the one on the right (as you look at it) is always your entrance. Thus, common sensically, if you've just gone through it on your way in, sticking to your right (my left) of the stairs makes sense doesn't it? Even more so when you can see the train on the opposite side is just leaving the station and many people have just gotten off.

But no. The faggots who work in Central London, brag about the money they've got and generally degrade the rest of humanity's faith in itself are too good for both common sense and manners. I was at the front of the group of people coming up the stairs on my way to the exit, on 'my' side of the stairs, but near the rail, not the wall. I think it's important to note at this point (because I forgot in the paragraph above and I can't be assed to edit it in) that the train in towards Central London is on their right, the turnstile side and as such, 'their' side of the stairs.

As I start going up I'm forced to tuck in by these bupping spastics who either look at me directly in a manner that says "get out of my way" or who avert my gaze so they don't have to apologise when they knock me. I'm not the strongest of people but by the third step (yes, this has all happened before the third bleedin' step) I've brewed long enough. Happily, my catalyst is a blonde-haired pretty boy in his suit and trainers, in his mid-twenties, on his phone.

He barges into me (DESPITE ME BEING TUCKED IN... I MEAN WHAT THE BUP) and then slips slightly, before turning around to swear at me while telling me to look where I'm going.

So, in the middle of the stairs I decided to unleash the fury. I can't remember the exact wording, but it had multiple f's, one or two c's, lots of brutal honesty and a demonstration to every single bupwit on the stairs coming against me on how to use stairs. This tutorial often referred to my audience as "greedy, narcissistic assholes" who are too up their own assholes to notice the other people.

When finished, I turned, walked up the stairs and walked out. Feels good man. In my head there was a round of applause but the reality was I'd made a toddler cry and Pretty Boy & Central London Loser Co. all looked completely gobsmacked. I have no idea whether my advice was heeded or not, but I don't really care.

Initially I thought I could turn this into a poll asking what you thought of Central Londoners, but seeing as I reckon I'd just ban anyone who liked them I decided to go with more typical Av poll choices.

~ AVARiCE
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aalpha



Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 8399
Location: Where ever you need me I'll be there. Whatever you need done I'll do it. Made in the USA.

Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 9:14 pm    Post subject:  

I don't have a dog in this fight so I said Sleet Sucks because it does.
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whufc88



Joined: 22 Jul 2005
Posts: 4408
Location: Calafell, Spain

Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 2:59 pm    Post subject:  

"bubbles endz"?

doesn't she live in the outskirts of west london?

just saying caus i normally consider central london to be inside of bayswater from your end
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Lamiaceae



Joined: 05 Jul 2006
Posts: 7651
Location: To the right of my computer

Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 4:54 pm    Post subject:  

whufc88 wrote:
"bubbles endz"?

doesn't she live in the outskirts of west london?


I thought so too...

You know, near here.

I may be wrong though...

Bauble, we're talking about you, do please explain :P
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AVARiCE



Joined: 23 Sep 2005
Posts: 5780
Location: London, England

Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 7:33 pm    Post subject:  

whufc88 wrote: "bubbles endz"?

doesn't she live in the outskirts of west london?

just saying caus i normally consider central london to be inside of bayswater from your end

Yes.

Not even that, West London, not the outskirts.

What's hard to contemplate here?

~ AVARiCE
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bean824



Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 663
Location: London, England

Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 10:21 pm    Post subject:  

Central London? Central London?! Dude, come on. And I demand a copy of the rant.
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spartman



Joined: 26 Jan 2009
Posts: 259
Location: Northern Idaho

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 7:09 pm    Post subject: love the story  

Avarice= tick,,,, tick,,,,, tick,,,, tick...... BOOOOOM!!

Great story.

:lol:

Spart
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