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Getting along with others
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area51newmexico



Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Posts: 10598
Location: East Yorkshire, England

Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:51 am    Post subject: Getting along with others  

I was thinking the other day that I get on better with men than I do women. Don't get me wrong, I do have many female friends but I have a different (whether the relationships are better is another debate) friendship with men. For example, barstaff always have regulars that they like to talk to. My regular-chatters are all men. I do say hello to the women do I don't really engage in conversation like I do the males.

So do you reckon you get on better with males or females?

(In terms of friendship btw, not the other kind of relationship :lol: )
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alienator



Joined: 07 Jan 2006
Posts: 4228
Location: Buckinghamshire

Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 12:38 pm    Post subject:  

I must say Im the same as you Helen...I seem to get on better & have much more of a conversation with men then I do with women. It may help because Im sporty, so Im into my footie & rugby etc...
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Lamiaceae



Joined: 05 Jul 2006
Posts: 7651
Location: To the right of my computer

Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:20 pm    Post subject:  

What a brilliant idea for a thread.

I've often wondered this, the majority of my female friends have all said in some way shape or form

Helly wrote:
I was thinking the other day that I get on better with men than I do women.


I've always thought it strange that they all have said this to me at sometime. And I have felt that I get on better with women than I do men. In fact, I have more female friends than I do male. But i've never looked into it more.

Maybe it's women are just more tolerant though?

This will be an interesting thread if enough people will contribute to it :)
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Rach



Joined: 16 Jul 2005
Posts: 1056
Location: Middle of nowhere in England

Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 8:25 pm    Post subject:  

I get on better with men. Its just the sort of person I am, I don't bother much with my appearance and a lot of girls judge you by what brands of clothes/make-up you wear, but the guys I hang out with don't care. They just like me for my personality and sense of humour. I just gel better with guys, we tend to have more in common. I have a few close girl friends, but most of my friends are male. It takes more effort for me to get close to other girls, but I can start hanging out with a guy and pretty soon it can seem like we have know each other for ages.

@ minty - I have never found women more tolerant (see above for some of the reasons). I suppose it is the difference between the sexes (most of the people so far have said that they get on better with the opposite sex).
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Lamiaceae



Joined: 05 Jul 2006
Posts: 7651
Location: To the right of my computer

Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 8:48 pm    Post subject:  

Rach wrote:
@ minty - I have never found women more tolerant (see above for some of the reasons). I suppose it is the difference between the sexes (most of the people so far have said that they get on better with the opposite sex).


That must just mean then that i'm loved :D

Ahem...

I was on a night out once with a few male friends, and 1 female friend and she said :-

'I like it when i'm on nights out with men, because you don't bitch'.

I thought that was just an observation she had made about her experiences on her nights out, and I didn't think much to it. Anyway, on another night different male friends, different female friend. And she said :-

'I like it when i'm on nights out with men, because you don't bitch'.

I thought it strange, that 2 separate women ( who couldn't of known each other ) said the exact same thing. I made a mental note that now 2 separate women had said the same thing, but let it be.

A few months later, pretty much same set up again, except i'm on a night out with another female friend.

Guess what?

Yep...

'I like it when i'm on nights out with men, because you don't bitch'.

This is becoming uncanny, I think, so I start to actively start noting how many say this sort of thing.

By the 5th time ( all separate incidents ) I've had enough... ...I have to ask, as a man I have to know.

You're the 5th woman to of said that, I point out, if you don't like it, why do it?
I don't know, she muses over the question a bit more... ...It's just what you do on a night out...

Separate night out with a male friend, I mention all this to him, he looks at me, pitifully, like one would look at a small child who has perhaps just hurt themselves after being told specifically *NOT* to do something otherwise they'd get hurt, and he replies that i'm to listen very carefully to what he is about to say, feeling i'm about to be let into some sort of age old man wisdom, he spoke

'Because... they... are... women...' he intones, you do not need to know anything more.

I've never questioned this strange ritual since.



Now this thread has come up, I've started wondering about this again. I did originally think it might be some form of evolution coming in. It would make sense to keep the human race going that opposite sexes would get on better for obvious reasons. But thinking back further, how long has communication been going on for? - when did bonding start to show in the human race, in contrast to say, the animal world?

I don't think it's long enough for people to of been communicating enough with each other, for this to of been hardwired into instinct.
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pickle



Joined: 19 Jul 2006
Posts: 1849
Location: UK

Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:05 pm    Post subject:  

Erm...okay I feel out of place now. I get on well with both, I find common ground and talk. If I had to say one, I'd say women just beat men but only just.
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Lamiaceae



Joined: 05 Jul 2006
Posts: 7651
Location: To the right of my computer

Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:12 pm    Post subject:  

pickle wrote: Erm...okay I feel out of place now. I get on well with both, I find common ground and talk. If I had to say one, I'd say women just beat men but only just.

Haha, I was actually guessing myself where you'd put yourself. I did honestly think you would be the 'i'm a nice person and get on with both equally'

So that might be why :)
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area51newmexico



Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Posts: 10598
Location: East Yorkshire, England

Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 11:44 am    Post subject:  

Minty - what, men don't bitch? Bollocks!
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Lamiaceae



Joined: 05 Jul 2006
Posts: 7651
Location: To the right of my computer

Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 6:14 pm    Post subject:  

area51newmexico wrote: Minty - what, men don't bitch? Bollocks!

I'm only repeating what I've been told!

Maybe we have a different opinion on what bitchiness means ? - not saying we do, just making sure we are both using the same meaning of the word :)

spiteful, malicious, hateful, mean, vicious, malevolent etc.


Right, now that's out of the way I'll continue. At no point did I say only women bitch. That would be stupid, it's a failing of logic to make such a generalisation.

As far as I know, I don't bitch. However, this sentence carries my usual rule of 'If you believe otherwise, that please provide examples or evidence so that I may change and 'better myself', I may be unaware that i'm doing it and so therefore need it pointing out to me.

Now, taking the above into account, all my friends ( both male and female ) are going to be of a specific type of person. For example, i'm not interested in football, I therefore doubt that I would share a big common ground with someone with this as a big interest.

The same goes for personality, I would expect I would gravitate to 'friend groups' of people who share the same attitudes, goals, morals, ethics, beliefs etc as myself.

I therefore doubt that, any of my male friends bitch much if at all ( again, evidence or examples and if I find myself doing that again, I know to stop it etc)

On a night out with a female friend she is most likely going to be out with male friends who share the same morals, ethics, etiquette etc. It might of been this that they were referring to? - more of her group of male friends, as opposed to men that she doesn't know, but you do?

Please note, that you know different men to who I know, it may be very much in their nature to be bitchy, unfortunately I don't know any of your male friends well enough so just a suggestion as to why?, if I was to say anything, it would be unfounded and actually unfair to pass judgement on people I hardly know.

Hence why I'm only 'thinking out loud' and this is not to be considered as a slight on friends, just a 'you may know people who do this, hence why you've said what you've said, but that is all relative to you, other people's mileage may vary'.

Again, to make generalisations is not going to work, no man will bitch is a fallacious statement. However, people will speak as they find through experience and if a group does something less than another group you will perhaps comment on that.

I was merely backing up Rach's statement as her post reminded me of various other comments that add weight to her comments.

I have been on nights out ( remember our recent poker night ? ) you, Laura and me. Various 'comments' were mentioned about a certain girl's dress for that night, I don't think you said anything... or I don't remember you doing so anyway though.

Another night out I was on, there was a girl stood at the side of the dancefloor but she could dance, she might of been a professional dancer, or just gifted with a natural rhythm. Female friend I was out with, turns to me and says that 'they hate people who 'show off' on nights out, 'Yeah you can dance' they continue, but there's no need to show off.

Surely showing off would of been on the middle of the dancefloor doing a 'Travolta' out of Saturday night fever ?

Comments about other people based on their appearance seem to be higher in women then men. Have a read of the 'Picture of yourself' thread for an example.

Oooooooh! look at your legs! - *gives evils*

Why give evils ? - now in 'man world' commenting on another man's appearance is considered gay. Making any comment and all of a sudden you're accused of 'fancying' them, it's just standard rules of engagement for being a man, so we don't comment on others appearance as much. There may be men out there who do comment on your appearance and these people may be bitchy about each other, however as this isn't a nice thing to do ( saying horrible stuff and actually meaning it ) is not something I want to associate with for long.

Rach's comment that she has found women on the whole to judge others by clothes/make up I feel backs this up, however again this is not all encompassing. There are going to be women who don't bitch just as there are going to be men that do, though on the whole there may be a certain 'bias' between the sexes.

This may be down to evolution/instinct from years gone by, where to appear attractive meant that they had a higher social standing in the tribe, and the more attractive women garnered the attentions of the Alpha Male ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_(biology) ) a human alpha male is perhaps what is defined as 'attractive by sight' in the media, the deltoid muscles, the pectoral muscles, the six pack abdomen, the 6ft + stature, the 'magnetism' of them.

To me, I really don't mind what they look like, because long lasting relationships / friendships are not based on looks. Therefore commenting on a persons looks is also pointless.
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Rach



Joined: 16 Jul 2005
Posts: 1056
Location: Middle of nowhere in England

Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 4:20 pm    Post subject:  

Yes - I don't mean that all women bitch, and no men do. I have just met a larger proportion of men that don't and women that do. This says something about the group of people I hang out with. They are mostly geeky, which is why we get on, but also means that there is a far larger number of men than women, thus further skewing the male:female ratio of my friends.
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