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Spending the night at a friends.....
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Vagilik



Joined: 07 Jul 2009
Posts: 494
Location: Las Vegas, NV United States

Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 5:28 am    Post subject: Spending the night at a friends.....  

Hey all I'm not quite back, but I would really appreciate an honest opinion on this. I'm posting here because I want it to be unbiased, since I don't know most of you (in person anyways)

Me and my partner got into an argument because she says it's not normal or right to stay the night at a friend's house when you're in a relationship with someone. I don't do it often at all. as a matter of fact, this is the first time I've asked to in the 3 months I've lived here. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but that's just my opinion and I need more, please. My friend is the same sex so it's not like there's anything weird going on and I even explained to her that we were just going to be burning some dvd's and working on my car stereo. Also I wanted to stay the night because he lives closer to where I work and it would have been convenient with how busy we were gonna be and how long it would take me to get home and then wake up early to get to work on time. Plus I haven't spent time with this friend in quite some time. Anyways I'll stop trying to justify it or have you lean towards my opinion. i just want to state the facts.

Thanks guys,
Tim
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alienator



Joined: 07 Jan 2006
Posts: 4228
Location: Buckinghamshire

Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:34 am    Post subject:  

I honestly don't see what the problem is whether your friend was the same sex or not. At the end of the day its down to trust. You shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone. This is just my opinion :)
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aalpha



Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 8399
Location: Where ever you need me I'll be there. Whatever you need done I'll do it. Made in the USA.

Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 7:31 pm    Post subject:  

If there's no human female lurking around the corner, you know like a ex-girl friend living upstairs, across the street or any such twist, then I don't see why she would be upset.

Has she stated her objection in English - I'd be interested to read it. ATM she seems irrational.

Is your friend notorious for having several girls at the time drop by looking for a party?
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Vagilik



Joined: 07 Jul 2009
Posts: 494
Location: Las Vegas, NV United States

Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:38 pm    Post subject:  

aalpha wrote: If there's no human female lurking around the corner, you know like a ex-girl friend living upstairs, across the street or any such twist, then I don't see why she would be upset.

Has she stated her objection in English - I'd be interested to read it. ATM she seems irrational.

Is your friend notorious for having several girls at the time drop by looking for a party?

nothing of the sort.....he lives there with his girlfriend and their child and neither one of us knows anyone else that lives near there. she hasn't been able to give an explanation except for its disrespectful and i should be coming home to her every night. it's different if it was a family member though. thats what im so frustrated with is still failing to understand her point
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aalpha



Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 8399
Location: Where ever you need me I'll be there. Whatever you need done I'll do it. Made in the USA.

Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:32 am    Post subject:  

With all due respect she has no point.

IMHO she needs to look in the mirror when she talks about "respect."
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area51newmexico



Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Posts: 10598
Location: East Yorkshire, England

Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 12:43 pm    Post subject:  

I don't see a problem with that really, but I guess it's each couple to their own.

Both myself and Paul (me bloke) have done sleepovers at friends houses:)

Maybe she will miss you if you spend the night away?
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stalker



Joined: 08 Jan 2009
Posts: 1622
Location: UK

Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 2:32 pm    Post subject:  

If i stayed round a bloke mate's house my Mrs would have no problem whatsoever - she quite often (maybe once every moth or two) goes out with a girly friend and stays over, and i enjoy having a night to myself lol...

I know it comes down to trust, but if the friend was female I know it would be a different situation.. but depends on the circumstances...

I have female friends who have partners - if it were just me staying with a female who was in a couple it would not be an issue at all...

But if i stayed with a girl and my Mrs knew she were single, I think she would feel uneasy even if there was no reason for her to - but i think this is quite normal really.. I would probably feel the same if the situation was reversed.. but i guess all depends on the person....


So, anyhow, I think really the situation you describe should really not be an issue at all, I think you it would be worthwhile trying to have a chat to understand why she feels like this if possible?
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Lamiaceae



Joined: 05 Jul 2006
Posts: 7651
Location: To the right of my computer

Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:29 pm    Post subject:  

I too don't see the problem.

Like Alienator has said, a relationship is about trusting each other. She should trust you not to do anything questionable just like you trust her to do the same.

Of course, they then trot out that old chestnut 'I trust you, I don't trust other people'. Which is the same thing, what they are saying is 'I don't trust other people to not chat you up *AND* you to then say yes'.

I don't see the problem. Like aalpha / stalker says, what reasons has she given for her position?

Lets hear her side of the story and the the internet will cast its vote.

Submit your query here perhaps ( example included ) :D

http://isthewiferight.com/2011/01/13/husband-is-a-level-85-shaman/
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Vagilik



Joined: 07 Jul 2009
Posts: 494
Location: Las Vegas, NV United States

Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2011 5:37 am    Post subject:  

Again, she hasn't been able to give an explanation. The only thing she says is its not normal and its disrespectful and 7 of her friends agree with her (which is why I chose to bring my poll here so it can remain unbiased). She didn't state facts either so her friends automatically assumed it was me with a female friend and it sounded fishy etc etc. Anyways, she says she can't explain it so I don't know what the deal is. She even told me to ask my sister, but my sisters boyfriend stays the night at his friends houses too sometimes. I don't see what the big deal is. If she had a solid argument or a specific reason then I would be more understanding of the issue and have more to work with, but I don't. I also can't tell her why it is perfectly normal so we're at a standstill. Thanks for all the feedback and please keep it coming; this is the stupidest fight we have had in 5 years
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alienator



Joined: 07 Jan 2006
Posts: 4228
Location: Buckinghamshire

Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2011 1:56 pm    Post subject:  

I was just about to say maybe having a chat with your girlfriend would help but looks like that is not working :( I can understand why you feel frustrated about this as a) you see that there is nothing wrong with this and b) your not getting a proper explainaton about the reasons your gf feels the way she does.

Maybe you ask your girlfriend why she feels your being disrespectful (if you haven't already of course) & why its not normal?

I hope you get to the bottom of it x
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Vagilik



Joined: 07 Jul 2009
Posts: 494
Location: Las Vegas, NV United States

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 6:42 pm    Post subject:  

alienator wrote: I was just about to say maybe having a chat with your girlfriend would help but looks like that is not working :( I can understand why you feel frustrated about this as a) you see that there is nothing wrong with this and b) your not getting a proper explainaton about the reasons your gf feels the way she does.

Maybe you ask your girlfriend why she feels your being disrespectful (if you haven't already of course) & why its not normal?

I hope you get to the bottom of it x

Thx I appreciate it. I have asked why and she couldn't come up with a reason besides it just is and I should be coming home to her everynight (which I don't see as a valid point cuz it would be totally ok if I spent the night at my familys house. I know friends and family are different, but not in that aspect IMO. we talked for like a straight 3 or 4 hours abou it only ending up goin in circles with no resolution so I decided to just drop it the next day. I appreciate everyones feedback!
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