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area51newmexico
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Joined: 08 Jul 2005
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Location: East Yorkshire, England
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 Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 5:59 pm Post subject: Lodgers |
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A very good friend of mine (we'll call him Peter in the post) called me up with a problem he's got. He's got a new Canadian girlfriend (we'll call her Kelly as I have no idea what her real name is). She, from no fault of her own, has no where to live and Peter has asked me if she could lodge with me as she is basically homeless - my boyfriend and I have our own place. I have said no she can't stay here which I feel really mean about but I think it's the right decision.
Today I've been thinking about it. If she did live here, it would be extra money coming into the house. Money would I could do with. But there's not much room here and I haven't actually met her! It's also against my rent agreement to sub-let but I feel really bad that I couldn't help a friend's girlfriend.
Do you reckon I've made the right decision?
If you had your own place, would you want someone lodging with you? Have you ever lodged with someone else?
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Lamiaceae
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| Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 6:33 pm Post subject: Re: Lodgers |
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| area51newmexico wrote: |
A very good friend of mine (we'll call him Peter in the post) called me up with a problem he's got. He's got a new Canadian girlfriend (we'll call her Kelly as I have no idea what her real name is). She, from no fault of her own, has no where to live and Peter has asked me if she could lodge with me as she is basically homeless - my boyfriend and I have our own place. I have said no she can't stay here which I feel really mean about but I think it's the right decision.
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I take it she can't spend time with Peter then?
What is Kelly doing here? - university? temporary job contract?
If it's university there should be a student body she can approach with issues like this. If it's a job contract can she not approach work or something?
If she's lived in this country for years, then there are friends she would of made who know her much better.
She can visit the CAB for more advice on what to do.
There's a reason why you said no, there was a very big alarm going off inside your head, listen to it. Those alarms don't go off because they feel like it.
Yes you feel bad about being unable to help. This is a good thing actually because it's means you have empathy with Peter and Kelly's plight.
I've found though that if you bail people out left, right and centre you're soon used very quickly. Peter may well know Kelly very well, but just because he thinks his friends are cool, doesn't mean you have to think his friends are automatically cool as well.
I've had this type of conversation with another friend. It was over who she would let live in her house if that person was desperate, she counted a total of 2 people out of all the plethora of friends she has. There's a reason why that number is so low amongst her own friends not people she doesn't know.
When her finances got tight she had 3 possibilities :-
1) - be unable to pay her mortgage and lose her house
2) - get a lodger who she said in her own words 'would pay up and keep themselves to themselves'.
3) - Get a second job
She chose option 3 to tide her over until she got better placed again.
| area51newmexico wrote: |
Today I've been thinking about it. If she did live here, it would be extra money coming into the house.
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Which will have to go on extra food and bills because she is going to be having a hot shower, doing more laundry, eating all your food etc.
Then she may be 'short' one week and ask to pay double next week, then she only coughs up 1 week, then she isn't working a lot of hours or whatever, and now can't keep her end up of the bargain, (but that party she wants to throw this Saturday, it's still going ahead right? where all her friends who you don't know can still come round can't they ? ) don't throw her out either, your conscience will tell you that's not a nice thing to do.
Hey! I know, find your nearest homeless person's shelter and offer them a roof over their head! - see if you like it, and if you can get on with a complete stranger living in your house, start up a hostel! - the more the merrier and more money coming into the house right?
| area51newmexico wrote: |
It's also against my rent agreement to sub-let
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And if they found out, guess who else will not have a house. Who's going to be in the same boat? - Kelly has found a house, but you can't come in.
You'd have to move back to your parents, Paul... well... that phone call that Peter made? - that'll be you phoning your parents if Paul can stay with your parents. Unless he's got friends to stay with, which i'm sure he has.
| area51newmexico wrote: |
but I feel really bad that I couldn't help a friend's girlfriend.
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Who you haven't met, don't know anything about ( you don't even know her name! ) you live by the rule of 'But what if that was me?' - which is a good rule to live by, I do it as well, and I always think 'I would want someone to help me' - but thinking like that has really got me into trouble and has made me quite bitter, it's now just for friends ( people I know are 'worthy' ).
| Helly wrote: |
Do you reckon I've made the right decision?
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You've made the most sensible choice yes.
| Helly wrote: |
If you had your own place, would you want someone lodging with you?
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Depends on the circumstance. Is it my house? or rented... Actually, knowing me it'd be mortgaged - i'd not rent as I always believed it was dead money.
As i'm single I wouldn't have anyone else with me, so to keep me company I could invite friends to stay over, or stay over at other friends and family, but the benefit of friends staying over is that I can boot them out when I feel I want to.
Someone has many times said 'I don't mean to be rude, but when are you going home?' to me.
Which means, fsck off home!
Can't say that to someone you really start to dislike if they are paying lodge. Will you draw up a sub let contract ( even though it's not allowed ) ?
Or can she have keys to your house, and then decide to pawn your computer because she wants a deposit on another house she's found severing any and all communications with Peter? - no one knows where she went?
I really want to work a 'rob peter to pay paul' line in here somewhere
http://www.usingenglish.com/reference/idioms/rob+peter+to+pay+paul.html
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area51newmexico
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Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Posts: 10598
Location: East Yorkshire, England
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| Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 6:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I take it she can't spend time with Peter then? |
No, I asked him that and she can't. I also asked Peter and Kelly could get a place together but I don't think they are in a position to.
Not sure what she is doing here. She's not a student yet but she does plan to study sometime soon. I did suggest she could try student accommodation. As far as I'm aware, you don't actually need to be a student to get a student house. Although I have never really looked into this.
That was another thing which worried me - I assume it's illegal to have lodgers who don't have a visa/work permit/right of entry?
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Lamiaceae
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| Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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| area51newmexico wrote: |
Not sure what she is doing here.
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There is nothing wrong with saying no when you don't feel happy with what little you've been told.
It's nothing short of sensible to get the picture straight yourself first.
| Helly wrote: |
That was another thing which worried me - I assume it's illegal to have lodgers who don't have a visa/work permit/right of entry?
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If she's an illegal immigrant then she doesn't even need to speak English. I understand the only word you need to know is 'benefits'
You will then be showered with housing, money, cars etc which will then set her up for life, she can then invite her family over who can also share in being given money, it's all part of the great socialist love in.
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alienator
Oh Perfect One
Joined: 07 Jan 2006
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Location: Buckinghamshire
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| Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 8:23 am Post subject: |
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I think you have made the right decision, it may not feel right but wouldn't you find it wierd having someone you have never met lodging with you? I would.
Also as its against your rent agreement, you wouldn't really want to lose the home you live in 
When I lived in Coventry with my husband (before we moved back down South) we had his mate lodging with us. I get on really well with his mate but I got fed up of having to share a house with him. It was like my husband & I never had any time to ourselves as this mate had no other friends so didn't go out much.
I don't think I could ever put anyone up again unless I really really had to.
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aalpha
Nicest Guy In The Universe/Site Admin
Joined: 17 Oct 2005
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Location: Where ever you need me I'll be there. Whatever you need done I'll do it. Made in the USA.
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| Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 4:55 pm Post subject: |
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You did the right thing Helen. Besides Roxy's point about loosing your home if the landlord found out you have no idea what kind of person she is. Your friend Peter may be A-OK, but Kelly - who knows? Why find out the hard way while you're moving back in with your parents and look for a new place?
The fact that she is in England with no living arrangements already set up is IMHO, a huge red flag. Even Gypsies and Nomads carry tents and wagons with them. Beware of people who just "show up."
Send them here:
http://www.couchsurfing.org/
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spartman
Veteran Contributer
Joined: 26 Jan 2009
Posts: 259
Location: Northern Idaho
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| Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 5:05 pm Post subject: |
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I have to agree with the other folks here Helen. On top of every thing else you will have a loss of privacy. Your empathy towards the situation is commendable, but there are too many warning signs here.
Poor planning on that persons fault it not your responsibility.
Years ago We took in a person in a similar situation and it did not wind up going well at all.
A few days would be one thing. An open ended situation is quite another.
Think of it. If you and your boyfriend had wanted another person to share the bills, ya'll would have sought it out on your own.
Do not feel badly at all.
Spart
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Rach
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| Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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Well at Uni I have my own place, and I have two lodgers. Sometimes it works out really well but it can also go wrong. One of my tenants is fine, she pays her rent on time, helps tidy up, pay bills etc. But the other is not so good - he is never here as he spends all his time at his gf's house, he isn't up to date on his rent and other things like that.
I think it really depends on the person. If you aren't compatible, living with someone puts them in your face 24/7 and in a small place you can't escape from them. You would have to know you would get on with the person. Also if it is against your tenancy agreement then you don't want to get fined/in trouble for this.
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area51newmexico
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Joined: 08 Jul 2005
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Location: East Yorkshire, England
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| Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:21 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for your advice. Much appreciated and valuable.
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