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Spending the night at a friends.....

 
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If living with a partner is it ok to spend the night at a friend's house of the same sex
Yes
100%
 100%  [ 6 ]
No
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 6

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Vagilik
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Location: Las Vegas, NV United States

PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 5:28 am    Post subject: Spending the night at a friends..... Reply with quote

Hey all I'm not quite back, but I would really appreciate an honest opinion on this. I'm posting here because I want it to be unbiased, since I don't know most of you (in person anyways)

Me and my partner got into an argument because she says it's not normal or right to stay the night at a friend's house when you're in a relationship with someone. I don't do it often at all. as a matter of fact, this is the first time I've asked to in the 3 months I've lived here. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but that's just my opinion and I need more, please. My friend is the same sex so it's not like there's anything weird going on and I even explained to her that we were just going to be burning some dvd's and working on my car stereo. Also I wanted to stay the night because he lives closer to where I work and it would have been convenient with how busy we were gonna be and how long it would take me to get home and then wake up early to get to work on time. Plus I haven't spent time with this friend in quite some time. Anyways I'll stop trying to justify it or have you lean towards my opinion. i just want to state the facts.

Thanks guys,
Tim
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alienator
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I honestly don't see what the problem is whether your friend was the same sex or not. At the end of the day its down to trust. You shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone. This is just my opinion Smile
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aalpha
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If there's no human female lurking around the corner, you know like a ex-girl friend living upstairs, across the street or any such twist, then I don't see why she would be upset.

Has she stated her objection in English - I'd be interested to read it. ATM she seems irrational.

Is your friend notorious for having several girls at the time drop by looking for a party?
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Vagilik
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

aalpha wrote:
If there's no human female lurking around the corner, you know like a ex-girl friend living upstairs, across the street or any such twist, then I don't see why she would be upset.

Has she stated her objection in English - I'd be interested to read it. ATM she seems irrational.

Is your friend notorious for having several girls at the time drop by looking for a party?


nothing of the sort.....he lives there with his girlfriend and their child and neither one of us knows anyone else that lives near there. she hasn't been able to give an explanation except for its disrespectful and i should be coming home to her every night. it's different if it was a family member though. thats what im so frustrated with is still failing to understand her point
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aalpha
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

With all due respect she has no point.

IMHO she needs to look in the mirror when she talks about "respect."
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area51newmexico
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 12:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't see a problem with that really, but I guess it's each couple to their own.

Both myself and Paul (me bloke) have done sleepovers at friends houses:)

Maybe she will miss you if you spend the night away?
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stalker
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 2:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If i stayed round a bloke mate's house my Mrs would have no problem whatsoever - she quite often (maybe once every moth or two) goes out with a girly friend and stays over, and i enjoy having a night to myself lol...

I know it comes down to trust, but if the friend was female I know it would be a different situation.. but depends on the circumstances...

I have female friends who have partners - if it were just me staying with a female who was in a couple it would not be an issue at all...

But if i stayed with a girl and my Mrs knew she were single, I think she would feel uneasy even if there was no reason for her to - but i think this is quite normal really.. I would probably feel the same if the situation was reversed.. but i guess all depends on the person....


So, anyhow, I think really the situation you describe should really not be an issue at all, I think you it would be worthwhile trying to have a chat to understand why she feels like this if possible?
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Lamiaceae
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I too don't see the problem.

Like Alienator has said, a relationship is about trusting each other. She should trust you not to do anything questionable just like you trust her to do the same.

Of course, they then trot out that old chestnut 'I trust you, I don't trust other people'. Which is the same thing, what they are saying is 'I don't trust other people to not chat you up *AND* you to then say yes'.

I don't see the problem. Like aalpha / stalker says, what reasons has she given for her position?

Lets hear her side of the story and the the internet will cast its vote.

Submit your query here perhaps ( example included ) Very Happy

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Vagilik
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 05, 2011 5:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Again, she hasn't been able to give an explanation. The only thing she says is its not normal and its disrespectful and 7 of her friends agree with her (which is why I chose to bring my poll here so it can remain unbiased). She didn't state facts either so her friends automatically assumed it was me with a female friend and it sounded fishy etc etc. Anyways, she says she can't explain it so I don't know what the deal is. She even told me to ask my sister, but my sisters boyfriend stays the night at his friends houses too sometimes. I don't see what the big deal is. If she had a solid argument or a specific reason then I would be more understanding of the issue and have more to work with, but I don't. I also can't tell her why it is perfectly normal so we're at a standstill. Thanks for all the feedback and please keep it coming; this is the stupidest fight we have had in 5 years
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alienator
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 05, 2011 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was just about to say maybe having a chat with your girlfriend would help but looks like that is not working Sad I can understand why you feel frustrated about this as a) you see that there is nothing wrong with this and b) your not getting a proper explainaton about the reasons your gf feels the way she does.

Maybe you ask your girlfriend why she feels your being disrespectful (if you haven't already of course) & why its not normal?

I hope you get to the bottom of it x
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Vagilik
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 6:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

alienator wrote:
I was just about to say maybe having a chat with your girlfriend would help but looks like that is not working Sad I can understand why you feel frustrated about this as a) you see that there is nothing wrong with this and b) your not getting a proper explainaton about the reasons your gf feels the way she does.

Maybe you ask your girlfriend why she feels your being disrespectful (if you haven't already of course) & why its not normal?

I hope you get to the bottom of it x


Thx I appreciate it. I have asked why and she couldn't come up with a reason besides it just is and I should be coming home to her everynight (which I don't see as a valid point cuz it would be totally ok if I spent the night at my familys house. I know friends and family are different, but not in that aspect IMO. we talked for like a straight 3 or 4 hours abou it only ending up goin in circles with no resolution so I decided to just drop it the next day. I appreciate everyones feedback!
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