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How to start & carry conversations?

 
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area51newmexico
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:16 pm    Post subject: How to start & carry conversations? Reply with quote

I'm pretty socially inept and I can get really nervous around people I don't know or even people I do know (perhaps in-laws, friends-of-friends etc).

I guess it's something you learn as you develop but do you have any tips for starting and carrying on conversations?

I can ask the basic questions (what do you do for a living then? what are you up to at the weekend etc) but after that, conversation often dries up! Help!
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Lamiaceae
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 11:15 am    Post subject: Re: How to start & carry conversations? Reply with quote

Is someone going to a 'big' Christmas party Very Happy

area51newmexico wrote:

I'm pretty socially inept


*hugs*

But I don't think you are Smile


area51newmexico wrote:

and I can get really nervous around people I don't know or even people I do know (perhaps in-laws, friends-of-friends etc).


Did you get nervous around me? - do I make you nervous now?

Actually, don't answer that Laughing

Best place to start then perhaps is asking yourself 'why' ? - they aren't going to automatically bite your head off, and those that do aren't worth bothering with.

area51newmexico wrote:

I guess it's something you learn as you develop but do you have any tips for starting and carrying on conversations?


Find someone you want to talk to, do they look interesting? - find something about their appearance and comment on it, or make an assumption and try to guide the conversation into finding that out.

Eg, when I first saw you, you were going up the stairs and I noticed your New Rocks boots. I decided that you perhaps liked the same music as me, and so decided to find out.

area51newmexico wrote:

I can ask the basic questions (what do you do for a living then? what are you up to at the weekend etc) but after that, conversation often dries up! Help!


Find something about them, talk to them about it.
My granddad had come back from holiday a few years ago and his first words to me were :-

I now don't need to worry about you when i'm dead and gone, because i've just come back from holiday and met a man who is you in 50 years time.

I asked him what he meant and he told me that he had met someone who we will call... uhh... Bob

Bob was sat behind my grand dad on the plane and he said

'Hey! did you used to buy the $BoysActionComicOfThe30s ?' ( aalpha will know )

My grand dad replied that he did, and that was it, they spent most of their time talking about all sorts of stuff.

This is usually my way as well.

You can come to the common garden variety questions later. Introducing yourself first sounds so formal, pretend you've known them all your life - you'll be different if nothing else.
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aalpha
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can strike up a convo with anybody anywhere. Not sure how I do it and don't get nervous except I guess I determine somehow they are in an agreeable mood to talk.

If I sense they aren't I either pass or shut up. I think part of it involves getting them started and listening.

Try finding out about other people's interests and see if you can get them to do the work.

DO NOT answer "Do you have kids?" with anything like "Noooo, surely if I did I'd drown'em." {even if you do feel that way} Razz

Leave of stuff like that and you'll do fine.
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Lamiaceae
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 2:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

aalpha wrote:

Try finding out about other people's interests and see if you can get them to do the work.


If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, teach a man how to fish and he will never shut up about the one he nearly caught!

aalpha wrote:

DO NOT answer "Do you have kids?" with anything like "Noooo, surely if I did I'd drown'em." {even if you do feel that way} Razz


Why not? - I do.



Tell them I don't want kids that is, not drown them btw.



Because otherwise the conversation revolves around you being like everybody else and actually wanting your very own screeching bag of shit.

Them : So do you have kids?
Me : No, I don't.
Them : Oh dear, that's a shame, i'm sure you'll get them soon, see phylis over there, she's mine, isn't she great? look at her, just look at her, isn't she adorable? do you know what she did the other day? - she tried to put my shoes on, my own size 9's on her little feet, bless her she couldnt walk in them of course and had to slide them along the floor
Me : I have to go, my camel is on fire


Compared with :-


Them : So do you have kids?
Me : No, I don't I much prefer my own freedom, my own time, and the ability to have my own money spent on myself.

*they quickly change the subject*

See, much more stomach-able
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whufc88
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 5:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

aalpha wrote:
DO NOT answer "Do you have kids?" with anything like "Noooo, surely if I did I'd drown'em." {even if you do feel that way} Razz


meh i just play the essex/east london card "none that i know of"
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aalpha
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 11:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

whufc88 wrote:
aalpha wrote:
DO NOT answer "Do you have kids?" with anything like "Noooo, surely if I did I'd drown'em." {even if you do feel that way} Razz


meh i just play the essex/east london card "none that i know of"


For years after I got out of the Navy my stock answer was "not in *this* country." Laughing Razz
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