A little give and take

[area51newmexico]

A friend of mine has bi-polar disorder. When he's in a good mood, he's a great guy - really fun to be around. However, when he's on his downs, he's angry, rude and shouty. Many people in the circle of friends make allowances for his behaviour ("he's having a bad day") as it's not entirely his fault due to his condition. But how far should this allowance go? How much can friends and family put up?

How much allowance would you give someone's behaviour/actions if it's due to a disorder or something that is out of their control?
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[Vagilik]

My girlfriend has this disorder. One of the main reasons we've been off and on for 4 years. Just recently (I'd say within the last year or so) she finally went and saw someone about it and they gave her medication for it. For a while she was acting a lot better and then she's back to her old self now. she fights with herself in her head because she doesn't know what she wants and it makes her act out.

Now some of it I can understand, but I know she can be civil most of the time; I've seen it happen. So I don't know what it is, but IMO I think she is just using her condition as a crutch every time she wants to act out and have her way and be hostile, etc.

So all in all I say it can be controlled for the most part, I wouldn't take too much of it outside an occasional mishap or slight behavior down.

Hope that helps!
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[Lamiaceae]

No one blames him for his condition, he cannot be judged on that front, and this is perhaps where everyone cuts him some slack.

Also it's pretty hard to have a view on someone who's condition relative to them I know little about, as everything I say is based on my own random trains of thought and not on anything specific to them. This is unfair in my opinion.

However...


Does he help himself? - is he prescribed any medication to help control his mood swings? lithium for example? - he wont be as manic ( extra happy ) but at least he won't be as depressive when he's having one of his off days.

Not saying that he doesn't, maybe this is him under his effects of medication and without he'd be even worse, just a thought that's all.

Let me put it another way. I know a few people who are epileptic, and if and when they have their fits no one will mind helping them when they've stopped and help them clean up.

If however, you find out they haven't been taking their medication to prevent these fits, would you still feel the same sense of charity cleaning up after them?

I know someone who due to a car accident cannot control their anger easily, and things build up with him before the smallest of things set them off, and then torrents of anger ( perhaps stored up over many weeks ) explode like a volcano, 20 minutes later they are as if nothing ever happened and due to having little short term memory and concept of time cannot recall ever having done anything wrong.

This is not their fault, and so far his girlfriend is happy to put up with his outbursts as the good times outweigh the bad.
But despite her attempts at trying to get him to behave better things have remained the same. She now accepts that *this is how it will always be, because that's him* and has said that there will come a day when she will of had enough, his temper is not fair on her and it is her who bears the brunt of it ( though she is more than capable of dealing with him ) she shouldn't have to in the first place.



Perhaps a more informed charity could be found here?

http://www.mind.org.uk/
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[aalpha]

I'm no Doctor but I think bi-polar disorders often lead to some degree of violence or at least have the potential of becoming violent. For that reason I'd want to steer clear of this person.

Not that it's his fault, but because tigers do what tigers do you don't get in the cage with them. Crocodiles do what crocodiles do so you don't swim with them. It's not their fault - they are being who they are.

Likewise you have to be who/what you are. Aware of who/what is in your sphere and act upon it.
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[Lamiaceae]

Was driving to work today when I heard a advert on the radio about abuse in relationships.

The advert was this young girl telling someone else about her boyfriend.

It started off like any other person telling you something but then it started to show why he wasn't good.

How he always was calling her or checking up on her 'because he cared' or was worried, and that he 'lost it' sometimes by shouting and screaming, but she defends him by saying 'he's always really nice to me afterwards'

The advert finished by another voice cutting in saying 'abuse, can you see it ?' - before it went on to tell you for more information search online for 'abuse in relationships'


And it made me think of this thread.



Just because it's given a different name, or presented differently, doesn't change what it is underneath.

Therefore living with someone regardless of what they do, if they act in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, then that is abuse.

Just because someone is mentally unbalanced doesn't change or excuse their actions.

If these people are 'losing it' and they make you feel intimidated, then they need help, or if they already have help they need more of it.

If they refuse help, then they are always going to be like this and you must consider your own welbeing first.


Abuse seems to be ignored or excused especially if the abuse is mental ( where the person immediately defends the abuser and their actions)
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm





I decided to do what the advert said anyway, and found a few articles which merely echoed sentiments across the various age ranges.